The Worst Noel

Fairly True Stories From the Case Files of the Homeland Security Elves...
None of the Names have been changed - All Suspects are Guilty..!

Transcripts by Walt Wentz - Pix: Josh Quagmire ©2002

This is the City - Los Angeles, California. More than six million people live here, going about their lawful business in peace and freedom - Unless that business involves questioning authority, espousing funny religions, reading books, talking back or jaywalking - In which case it becomes MY business... I work here,
I'm a DHS agent...

Heidi & Etsuko at their Desk
Heidi looking Bitchy

December 24, 2002... We were working the graveyard watch at the Department of Homeland Security... My partner’s Etsuko Watanabe - My name’s Heidi...

23:45, we got a tip one our Most Wanted Foreign Nationals was in town - We’ve been after this guy for years. He’s got more aliases than you can count - uses a different name in every country, and sneaks across borders as if they weren’t there. Commits multiple breaking and enterings, trespass, Ignores customs laws, flouts visa requirements, undermines our system of free enterprise, recruiting followers by giving merchandise away - but then he doesn’t pay import duties on any of it...

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